


bursting through your veins

by buhnebeest



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, M/M, indoctrination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buhnebeest/pseuds/buhnebeest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no murder in war, only casualties. Better Nihlus found his end like this, quick and painless, without knowing the horrors that lay ahead. It was better like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bursting through your veins

Saren marched away from the site, head still spinning from the cipher’s prophecy. His hand shook where he was gripping his pistol too-tightly, knuckles creaking with the strength of his hold. He merely needed a moment to himself, to let the images align themselves in his mind’s eye. He just needed a moment alone, and then the shaking would stop.

  
But he was never alone, was he, not with Sovereign hounding his every step, watching him, watching him. Always the images were there, in the corners of his mind, harrowing him with the promise of destruction, the ruin that would be on his head if he failed. There was no peace of mind for him, not until he completed his mission. There could be no distractions.

  
_You murdered me_ , whispered Nihlus behind him, sub-vocals trilling with stunned disbelief.

  
“Shut up,” Saren said, mandibles pulling tight in a snarl. There was no murder in war, only casualties. Better Nihlus found his end like this, quick and painless, without knowing the horrors that lay ahead. It was better like this.

  
_Murderer_ , Nihlus whispered.

  
Saren grit his teeth and ignored him, pushing ahead. There could be no distractions.

  
****

  
At night, in the dark, Nihlus was there.

  
_Murderer_ , he crooned lovingly, brushing their foreheads together.

  
His eyes glowed like gems in the darkness, deep green like the pressed volcanic ash of the Amaryllis. It had been Saren’s one concession to romance, once. Your eyes are beautiful, he had said, mandibles flexing irritably at the absurdity of such a statement, the inadequacy. Still, Nihlus had laughed in delight and pressed their foreheads together, scooting closer on their shared cot until the space between them was a negligible technicality.

  
Saren stared at the ceiling and said nothing. If this was the worst his conscience could do to him, there was no question to the veracity of his actions. It was better like this.

  
Nihlus nuzzled his throat, nipping at the sensitive skin there just like Saren remembered, playful and earnest both. His fingers would curl around the ridge of his cowl – like that, yes – and he would nose carefully over the scars on Saren’s chest plates – like that, exactly. Nihlus dragged his parted mouth down to Saren’s waist, all the while murmuring _murderer, murderer, murderer._

  
Saren’s mandibles pulled tight, swiping with his flesh-and-blood hand at Nihlus’ head to dislodge him, but there was nothing there, of course there wasn’t. Nihlus laughed gently, the laugh he reserved for when Saren was being ‘grumpy’, and pressed his face against Saren’s waist. Saren could feel the gentle bump of his nose, the familiar jagged shapes of his mouth plates, the gust of his breath and the flex of his mandibles as he chuckled, right there against his skin.

  
“Shut up,” Saren ground out, hand clenching in a fist.

  
Nihlus only laughed and wrapped his fingers around Saren’s wrist, dragging his hand down so he could press his mouth to Saren’s knuckles, tender, before coaxing his fingers to uncurl in a loose open palm. He laid his cheek there, smiling up at him. His eyes burned like molten stone.  
Saren snarled and jerked his hand back.

  
Nihlus tilted his head, sub-vocals humming quizzically, and pushed himself up on all fours, crawling over him to press their foreheads together again. _What’s wrong?_ he asked quietly, cupping his hand under Saren’s fringe.

  
Isn’t it better like this?

  
“Shut up!” Saren roared, control shattering like an illusion, and lunged at him, body thrumming with biotic power. The darkness shook around him, blood and smoke and ruin leaking through the cracks in the walls, and the screaming, spirits, the screams of a trillion souls roiling like magma in the base of his skull, and he had to stop it, he had to do it: there could be no distractions, and when he opened his eyes Nihlus was gone.

  
Of course he was.

  
Saren lay back on his cot, breathing heavily. He clenched and unclenched his fist around nothing, and stared unseeingly into the dark.  


End file.
